I no longer need to identify myself with stuff. All that I am is within me. This of course is not 100% true for me yet as I still identify myself with exterior things and past karma. I think the only time it will become 100% is when I reach a state of samadhi or enlightenment. I used to think it was really important to become enlightened but that was ego. I wanted people to see me as enlightened. Now I realize the important thing is to live a good, happy life free from judgement.
With the closing of one of my SL businesses, The Wharf, I learned a lot about myself and where I was. When I closed the business I did it very suddenly and with no notice. This understandably upset a few people. I was accused of putting money before friendship and my business partner Chester was subjected to extremely violent language from one of our employees. I do not regret closing the wharf or doing it so suddenly. It is what I needed to do for me. I was very upset by the reaction of a few people. I felt it was uncalled for and unnecessary. I have thought on it for a few days and I have come to the realization that these people were just acting from where they are and from their own perspective. Would I prefer that they maybe took the time to enquire as to my reasons? Yes, It is what I would expect of friends. It would have made their anger more digestible. But realistically I don't know if anyone who jumps into an attack and accuses me of putting money over friendship was ever my friend. My reasons for closing the Wharf are my own. Was the cost of operating it part of the consideration part of it? Yes, but not the first consideration. If it were The Wharf would have been shut down months ago.
The Wharf no longer served me. I no longer needed it and I felt it no longer needed me. I was planning on handing it off long before the opportunity came up to sell off the two regions came up. I knew it was the right thing to do when the offer to sell the regions came up. They were a huge burden. Neither Chess nor I had it in us to develop another region after finishing the FYH regions. We made a start but it just wasn't in us. We had moved on. The regions were sitting there empty except the Wharf in one corner. The wharf where it was was only going to be temporary anyway. We had plans to bring a gathering spot into the new builds somehow but were not sure exactly what to do. Neither of us were much interested in running a club anymore. We just wanted our times in-world to be fun and stress free. After a few talks we decided to hand the club off to our manager Dehryyn. The club though a financial disaster was a big hit among its loyal regulars and was worth keeping going was the thought. But then things changed and changed quickly as they do in second life. During the last set on Sunday someone made me an offer and I accepted as I knew it was the right thing to do rather than let my frustration with the wharf grow. And although I shut down the location I did not shut down the wharf. Chester and I gave the group to Dehryyn as well as as much of the club equipment as was transferable in hopes that he would continue it on in a new location.
I did not expect any accolades or any thank you notes, though I did receive a few from people thanking Chester and me for starting the Wharf and keeping it running for as long as we did. But I did not expect the hostility that Chester and I received from some people. It was interesting though I found at first I was completely detached from the anger and felt no need to react to it or defend myself. It wasn't until Chester told me of the encounter he had via IM with one of the members that I felt any negative emotion at all. I guess it was the violence implied in the language that upset me and that it was directed at Chester by someone we both thought of as a friend.
After thinking on it for a while I realize that it doesn't matter. These people were only our friends, it seems as long as it served them and when we no longer served them we were disposable like the Wharf was to me. Do I harbour resentment to them? Honestly, yes, even though I know I should let it go. Surprisingly to me I do not regret the loss of the friendship. I realize that the friendship wasn't really there to begin with so nothing was lost just a perception altered.
So, um ... oh yeah my point. Not only am I shedding material and other things that no longer serve a purpose in my life I am shedding illusions. Illusions of friendship, needs and identity. I no longer need these things. Just like now I have put this into words I no longer have need of my disappointment, anger and judgement.
Finally I am glad that I passed the Wharf on to Dehryyn. He was invaluable as manager and I know under his leadership the group will grow and thrive.
Namastè
Finn
Oh .. I almost forgot ... Buster
Last year I read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" and began working on my ego as well. I realized after reading the book just how ego driven my life was and still is. I became depressed at the mere thought of getting rid of my ego. I haven't changed after reading the book, although I am more aware of when the ego is talking, which is a good thing. I will say or do something and giggle to myself and think, there's my ego. To be able to recognize it is the first step. It's going to be baby steps for me though.
ReplyDeleteI can't thank you and Chester enough, Finn, for the opportunity to enjoy the Wharf. I've said it to you before, and I'll say it again.. I appreciate what you did, and for keeping things going along as long as you did.
ReplyDeleteAnd the best thing from this, I have your friendship from the transition, intact, and that's the important thing, the real thing of value to me.